How did my relationship get here?

The mental load can be extremely taxing on an individual, and when it’s a result of an unequitable share in responsibility it often breeds resentment and strips intimacy from a relationship.

Often times when a relationship begins, the love language of each partner begins building the foundation for the roles within the relationship. Those of us that hold acts of service as our love language, often fall into a role of being in service of our partner finding ways to lessen their load- and show our love, dedication and worth.

For most relationships this structure works and is effective for everyone, until additional pressure or responsibility is place on the partner who holds that mental load… Like parenthood, the start of a job, or really any other life event that changes the routine up.

Why can’t I ask for help without feeling-or- being made to feel like a NAG?

This is a loaded question. Sometimes it’s a result of the way we communicate our needs (we talk about this heavily in the solo session prior to your couples session), or even that we aren’t communicating them directly and our partner feels like they have to mindread- and still get it wrong. sometimes it’s that our partner is so unaccustomed to what the mental load is, they can’t understand it innately, and so it’s about creating an actionable plan to increase our partners load, so we equitably share that responsibility.

The feeling of being a nag, is probably because our partner feels defensive in the conversation because they don’t know how to improve or haven’t been successful in the past, and so there’s often a lot of “oh this again”, “ you always complain about _____, but don’t ever say good job about ____.”

I’m afraid this wont ever change.

It’s okay to feel hesitant that this will be worth it- but the fear of nothing changing often comes from couples trying the same techniques to problem solve and repeatedly seeing no change. We are experts in creating actionable and easily implementable changes, and have yet to experience a couple that was unable to heal their relationship.

I’m so mad I don’t know if I can communicate my feelings kindly.

You aren’t the first and wont be the last person to feel this way- and that is EXACTLY why we do the solo session prior to your couples session. You get to let it all out, work through all those feelings, give them names, talk about what your goals and fears are- and the best part? You do it without hurting your partner. The solo session is about you, feeling all the feelings and prepping to bring your best self to couples therapy.

My partner is hesitant to come, what do I do?

We don’t offer a kidnapping service, and so the best we can do is offer a free consult where your partner can get to know us and we can explain why the solo session is the best place for a hesitant partner to feel supported and heard- it also makes sure both partners know we are unbiased in session- supporting each partners goals and the shared goals of the couple.